pushing words around

Ok, here is how it goes in my ideal world. You know the world in my mind that I am always striving for, dreaming of. The one I am always fantasizing that I will actually live in, beginning tomorrow, or Saturday or at the latest, starting Monday next week. You know. It’s the one, beautiful as it is, that always really pisses me off about the world I actually live in.

I think this is key: I forget, like every single minute, that the ideal world is a fantasy – as in – Never. Gonna. Happen. Not in this lifetime. Is it just me?

Anyway, back to the ideal morning.  Here’s mine: I wake up sans alarm before the sun, my kitten is somewhere sleeping on the bed, ready to purr & snuggle gently when I stroke him. — Notice, there is no playing with the curtain cord, no batting & biting the flower arrangement, no knocking over the vase, no jumping on my head. –- but I digress, that’s right, I was talking about my ideal world …

I stretch, get up and pad leisurely into the kitchen where I get a nice cup of joe brewing. Once the brew is gurgling away enticingly in the kitchen, I sit in my favorite chair taking in the view and the beauty of a new day. I spend 30 – 40 minutes in quiet contemplation, reading something inspiring, writing something expansive, or just being present to my gratitude for the miracle of life & love.

Coffee’s done, so somewhere in there I have added to the mix the pleasure of sipping my morning cup. Once fully awake and connected to the wonder of life, I don my sneaks for a refreshing walk around the neighborhood, or if its raining, a quick trip to the gym for the spin class I love. Man that feels good.

Back home in an hour or so, I take a nice, steamy shower and enjoy the ritual of hair, makeup and dressing for the day. Somewhere in there I had a decent breakfast, protein fruit smoothie or veggie sausage with English muffin, cream cheese and jam. 8:10 am, refreshed, nourished, inspired , connected to earth & spirit, beautiful and strong – it’s out to the car for a robust, if not quite soul-deadening commute. Not even that can get me down. Look out world, here I come.

I assure you, none of the above has ever actually happened. At least not all in one day, certainly not before 10:05.

Earth to Leisa, earth to Leisa – oh sh@#$t! It’s 8:45 – make that 9:03. I’ve had no breakfast, no shower, no refreshing walk. My kitten is a terror, and I had to try three times to get the coffee right, first without water, second without grounds – you get the picture. I may have sat in a chair, but more dumbfounded than uplifted.  … And they said I couldn’t write fiction.

There is  a saying: “the truth will set you free, but first, it will piss you off.” Of all my favorite quotes, and I have many, this is the only one that truly pisses me off.

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.
~ Alfred D’Souza

Tomorrow, real life.